--Norman Rockwell painting , below, depicting a classic American Thanksgiving dinner, circa something or other. I like the person looking at me on the bottom right!
You can look at life a couple of ways. You can add up the list of things that are WRONG with your life, starting with the small ones and ending with the most dramatic ones (I call this "walking the halls of your own personal museum of misery", especially if these are memories which you can't let go of, and I think it is really stupid but very understandable ...for example, "and then he said...bla bla bla" <-- and you dredge up a memory from 25 years ago ahahah ) , or you can just stand into the wind , hope for a warm breeze, and take it as it comes.
One phrase that I have never liked is one I hear constantly. It is this one:
"Oh my! You've got a lot on your plate!"
People usually are referring to our kids when they say this, or the fact that we have two kids with autism, etc.
I find that this phrase, directed at me, serves to separate me from the person I am speaking with. All of a sudden because we have kids with autism, or because I have physical limitations, or both, or whatever, I am being judged. I don't think the people commenting mean to have this observation sound this way...but I find it the opposite of empathetic.
I resent being the person with "a lot on her plate"! Yeah yeah yeah, we have a ton on our plates here, me and Jim...and we have turned it into a Thanksgiving feast. We are grateful for much. Happy Thanksgiving! We certainly do NOT want any one's pity. We don't like being viewed as different from you unless it gets us out of going to your cocktail party, because neither of us drink.
So, guess what!
We do have a lot on our plates! However you don't have to point this out for us. We know.
All over the world all of us have to make choices about how we see these burdens and the stresses we get from them and how to deal with them. Most of the time, as Jim agrees with me, the cure for stress just to be grateful. People try to live up to the Norman Rockwell lifestyle. Yes I changed this entry when he came home and I read it to him. He points out that the Norman Rockwell viewpoint along with the commercialization of the holidays by Madison Avenue isn't real and people are always frustrated by it, and we don't even try to live up to it here and we are better off for it.
Anyway, so some of us don't even notice it! Sometimes it isn't the thing we are even thinking about. Unless you come to me and point it out to me, by using this phrase, which I have heard over and over like a broken record since my youngest couple of kids were born, I just don't see it that way.
Have some more jello mold with fruit cocktail floating around in it? How about some of these delicious creamed onions, some string beans with toasted almonds, or some more rolls and butter? Let's all have LOTS on our plates and enjoy every minute of it! It's called LIFE!
jean
Labels: You have got a lot on your plate
13 Comments:
Yes! What a shame NOT to have a lot on your plate! I have a friend who says she is a Virgo (as I am)and wonders why I always have to clean off a spot on my dining room table when she comes over so we can work on our project. (A brochure for our Lexie's Jewelry) Well, my daughter, her husband and two kids live with us. Just how much time would it take to clean off the dining room table everyday? Too much! I'd rather be beading or playing with and listening to the kids or any number of other things. Do the unpleasant things (on ones plate)seem really unpleasant in the whole scheme of things - compared to other more unpleasant things (watch the news for a few minutes - no really don't)
Funny part is my friend "Has a lot on her plate" too. Don't we all in some ways? Maybe it is a part of growing up. "A lot on your plate" will do that for you.
I'll take my plate with a lot on it anytime!
Bev
you understand exactly what I was trying to say Bev! Yay!
I love this post! I always have a lot on my plate, but for the most part, I'm the one that put it there. Granted, it does get overwhelming sometimes, but I do like doing a lot, even if it means I will never finish the laundry or find the top of the dinning room table!
Semi-related story...a few years ago I had a student in one of my literature classes tell me in front of the entire class that there was just too much work required of the class, and she couldn't do it because she had a lot on her plate. I told her that I totally understood and was in the same situation (was going to school and working a be-zillion hours), but I was not the one that put all of that on her plate. She looked at me like I had slapped her across the face!
Some things we have put on our plate (like a nasty helping of Lima beans) without our asking for them, but some things on our plates we have put there ourselves (like a juicy helping of garlic bread).
I hear that comment fairly often. Along with 'Hope you haven't bitten off more than you can chew' or my least favorite 'Now, don't spread yourself too thin' which implies meagerness, a thing I despise. I for one, am perfectly happy with too much to do, as I am also never bored. The folks with time to point things out usually aren't creative. I have more going on than ever, yet I am also happier. I have a small child, a puppy, 2 birds, 2 cats, writing 2 books, working on 3 paintings and I'm pleased to add a new craft anytime. I say 'bring it!' but that's me and I know some folks enjoy order and tv time - nothing wrong with that. I've learned how to delegate and how to lighten the load when I need to. That's the thing about life, you either run with it, or not. So, Jean, enjoy that full plate, because that's what livin is all about!
yes Tammy -- it is a very complicated thing!!!--and I am glad you said what you did to your student! People must recognie their part in facing up to their responsibilities. Most of the time, the way they face them gives them the choice as to whether or not to make it mostly a "good thing", or a "bad thing"! I really believe that!
You are a very busy person--but do I ever hear you complain? NO! and I really like that about you!
xox jean!
OMG Cynthia! What negativity I sense when I hear comments like that. It is hard not to lash bask at people who say things about our lives when they should really be paying attention to their OWN lives, instead. I think it gives them some sort of sense of control over the world, to make sort of nasty, judgemental comments like the ones you just told me about. It certainly is hard to know how to respond, unless you yourself feel like getting really rude! I do know you well enough to know you are NOT rude, so all I can say is: Gah! What a pain!
Hey, have a good day!!! xox and do what YOU wanna do! YAY! :)
yes Tammy -- it is a very complicated thing!!!--and I am glad you said what you did to your student! People must recognie their part in facing up to their responsibilities. Most of the time, the way they face them gives them the choice as to whether or not to make it mostly a "good thing", or a "bad thing"! I really believe that!
You are a very busy person--but do I ever hear you complain? NO! and I really like that about you!
xox jean!
This is an interesting topic. You know, I have to admit sometimes my plate is completely overflowing and though I can't blame anyone else I do get weary and I don't always put on a happy face and I don't feel the least bit bad about that. Women do that thing where we say, it's okay, even when it's not okay, and I think it's a double edged sword. I think it's also okay to admit that I'm not Super Woman and I can't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders every single day without an occasional day where it feels far too heavy. I do love doing what I do and I try to do what I love as much as possible and like Bev and you Jean to not worry about the trivial things.
As for what other people think or say, I like to tune them out and imagine Billie Holiday with a huge flower in her slicked back hair and her hands on her hips as she sings, "T'aint nobody's business if I do."
xoxo
Margot
we are never given more then we can handle and you are simply far more blessed than the dolts that have spoken such unkind words as 'your plate is full'
they must be bored beyond words and lack the patience and grace to see you as an angel with a God given purpose in this world.
thank you Margot! I can always use a dose of Billie Holliday! that brings me right up!
Heather. nobody has ever said anyhing quite so lovely to me, ever. thank you. xox
Jean,
Norman Rockwell was no family man; if you look him up you will find a story of amazing dysfunction; his own Thanksgiving did not even look like his painting... so often these artificial advertising images rule the world and are not debunked for what they are.. unreal.
Living my life in the here and now is a lot more rewarding than a trying to become like a fake family. Hang in there Creative Jean.
Joan Tucker, Off Center Productions
Thanks Joan! xox
jean!
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